Man oh man. Yesterday was rough for me.
I found out on Monday that I passed the three exams I had take earlier that day:
Biochemistry – pretty good pass
Microbiology/Immunology – pretty good pass
Physiology – barely passed
I was super surprised because I really put a lot of time and effort into reviewing for the physiology class. I left the exam feeling confident that I had scored a high pass, but nope. So on the one hand I am happy because I passed, on the other hand I am really disappointed because it was only barely so. I set up an appointment with the professor to figure out what it was that went wrong. Did I not understand concepts? Was I making stupid mistakes? Did I misread questions? Did I misinterpret them? Was it just a “durrrrr” moment?
The first question that I missed had to deal with knowing what the definition of a miliequivalent is. Honestly it was just an “oops” moment on my part. I knew it too. Point here – never change your answer. Go with your instinct unless there is some new information that has a profound argument for choosing a different answer! Anyhow, my professor became very visibly angry that I had gotten this incorrect. His response/body language definitely un-nerved me.
We went on to the next question. This one, I saw, WAS straight forward, but it was my definition of a concept that was incorrect that caused me to choose the wrong answer. Moreover, I overlooked a key word in the answer choice I selected that SHOULD have told “WRONG!!!”. Sorry, ack! Again… this set off the prof. Oh boy. Feeling super tiny at this point. You know, without any confidence. Actually, I’ve lost the ability to speak at this point. *sigh*
Next thing I know he is telling me, “I cannot understand how it is that you’ve made it into medical school and gotten this far with the way that you study.”
Ouch.
That hurt.
First off, I know that this is not my strong subject. This is why I am going to the professor – to seek help! Not to be insulted. Instead I only get berated from the get-go and made to feel completely insecure and un-knowledgeable. I definitely went into “shut-down mode” and it just became easier to say, “I don’t know the answer to your question” instead of to fumble and stutter around my answer because of his constant “no-no-no’ing!!!”.
Secondly, I passed the darn exam. Give me some credit.
Thirdly, I DID study the way that he suggested to me when I visited his office hours weeks BEFORE the exam to get some concepts straightened out.
In any case, this was one of those times where you couldn’t really say anything because it would only just sound like an excuse. Yes, right? I just have to ace the next exam so that I can be like, booyah! Until then, man – it just really stings to know that this professor doesn’t feel that I even belong here. I mean… ouch!
But you know what? You run into these kinds of situations everywhere. Just need to deal with it. Plus I KNOW that I belong here. I’ve busted my bum to get to where I am and it hasn’t been easy. I’m not about to let anyone tell me that I shouldn’t be here. Also, don’t get me wrong. I actually really like this professor, I am just shocked by his reactions and words. I mean, thanks for helping me to understand concepts instead of putting me down (sarcasm, sarcasm). No but really – I think this professor just unfortunately happens to be one of those professors who believe that putting you down/making you feel bad will light a fire under your bum. I wish he’d just see that it’s very discouraging. Ah well… gotta truck ahead!
P.S. After reviewing the questions I found that I basically misinterpreted his question style. I get how he asks things now. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Won’t happen again, I can say that much. Hmph!
Yeah, you definitely need to give yourself a chance to learn from stuff first! I totally agree with the “go with your instinct”.. I wish I had on my last exams. Yargh! We will rock the next ones!! 🙂